Naked ambulance ride!!!

Only me. These random weird things only happen to me. SERIOUSLY! Let me share with you my wonderful Thursday afternoon.

Baby DIVA is sporting a fever. We have had a small outbreak of Hand, foot and Mouth in our social circle, so one can assume the spike in fever from Baby DIVA yesterday of 103 plus could only be this lovely childhood illness plaguing us, right? We settled in to "ride" it out today at home. Inside, Motrin, fluids, backyardigans, fun filled day for us. I was feeling pretty good myself and although I don't like the circumstances, enjoyed the snuggle time with Baby DIVA.

I took the opportunity to "refresh the pink" aka bleach my roots and prepare to dye my hair, while Baby DIVA napped. Refreshing the pink is a 3 step process for me. Bleach roots. Dye the pink portion, dye the under hairs black. long process. So it is usually done over the period of a whole day. So step one concluded around 1230 during nap. Baby DIVA awoke promptly at 1pm and we had lunch, followed by snuggles. Bleach roots air drying, just FYI.

A little after 130ish I felt the gallbladder pain I have come to know all to well beginning to sneak up on me. I thought to myself "Oh poo" the next 30 minutes are gonna suck. I hate this pain. Well, boy was that an understatement. The pain came on with the quickness. I went from nothing to pain so severe I couldn't breathe. I tried walking, laying down, drinking water, contorting myself into awkward positions, sitting, everything, nothing was working. I think it was anywhere from 15-30 minutes before I decided that nothing could be done to stop this pain. The pain just increased and air became harder and harder to grasp no matter what I did.

Baby DIVA quickly realized that something was going on too. She begin to follow my pacing moves asking "o tay momma, o tay"? She would hug me and kiss me and pat me and was right by my side. This broke my heart. I did everything I could to stay calm and tried to tell her through garbled breaths that Momma was okay. Really, I was scared shitless. I began to get really hot. My face flushed. Air was hard to grab. The pain grew in intensity and I felt that I might blackout any moment. Fear for my child overwhelmed me. What is going to happen if I pass out. My 2 year old can not be left alone. She cant see me like this. Panic.

I went down the list of close friends and family. No one really to contact. Shit! I called my mom and tried to tell her what was wrong. She was headed my way before we hung up, however she is a good half hour drive at least. I tried to wait. The pain grew. Baby DIVA questioned me more, "o tay momma, momma o tay"?. All the while caressing me, showing me her sweet side, not her 2 year old monster side.

Out of shear fear I finally just made the adult decision and dialed 911. It was difficult to talk, but I managed to tell them who I was, where I was, and that I was alone with my 2 year old. Moments later help arrived. The pain grew more and more to such an intensity, death seemed to be the only thing that could stop the pain. The paramedics loaded me up, grabbed Baby DIVA and some toys and we were out there door.

I guess at this point I realized my daughter was safe, in the comforting arms of the lady paramedic, sitting close to me, subconscious realization though, as the pain grew more and I begin to scream. I have never felt such intense pain in my life, not even during the birth of Baby DIVA. I begged for the paramedics to make it stop. Pleaded with them. No luck. Then the nice paramedic took my hand and said I do not want you to panic, but it appears you are in labor. Do not be alarmed when we arrive at the hospital. More panic. I'm only 30 weeks. NOOOOOO! This cant be happening.

Terror and panic and PAIN swept over me. Honestly, I'm not sure where my mind went at this time. The pain and terror took over and I think my screaming may have been heard across the country at this point. I also found myself incredibly hot. For some reason I needed to be naked because the clothes were just too hot. So I stripped. Right there in the back of the ambulance. YES, I DID. I then demanded cold towels and ice packs because it was so hot and I was in so much pain. At one point reality hit and I looked up. I realized i was sitting up in the back of an ambulance being transported to a hospital butt ass naked, momma boobs flopping in front of the windows for the entire world to see. Pain hit again and I no longer cared. Free Boob flop show for all afternoon commuter courtesy of me.

We arrive at the hospital. I overheard the paramedics on the phone several times during the ride telling the hospital my "contractions" were less than 2 minutes apart. What freaking contractions? There are no contractions it is just constant throbbing pain man. The paramedic tells me he is going to cover me up with a sheet, the other paramedic says "i don't think she cares". We roll in the hospital. Me still sitting up NAKED, SCREAMING, sheet falls, boobs flopping everywhere, I roll up into the ER, loud and obnoxious and in so much pain. I bet I was quite a sight!

The ER is by-passed and off we go to Labor and delivery. The pain is tortuous. So much so that at this point I have no care as to where my 2 year old Baby DIVA is. I'm taken to a room. Tons of doctors and nurses swarm me. Someone tells me they are with the preemie team, another tells me he is a Dr, another tells she is gonna do this and that. I don't care. Make this pain stop. The nurses help me get a grip on my breathing. Help me cover my momma boobs with cool towels and work on getting me to calm down. They have skills because I was demon pink. Not happy, in pain and NAKED!

H4L and my mom arrive. Someone says Baby DIVA is safe. I thought, "oh ya i have a child, shit!" Tests are done. Evaluations are made. Pain is incredible. Finally I hear someone say they are going to give me some pain medication. Relief flushes over me as I hear this news between these death pains. And then, just like that, the pain stops...before they even give me the medicine. Literally like a light switch has been turned off. It stopped almost as quickly as it came on. I am able to catch my breath and breathe again. I am able to calm myself down and think clearly. My body temperature drops. Critter2 is safe. No contractions. Heat rate is perfect. She is a little pissed off but looks perfect.

Hours of constant pain have finally ceased. It is only at this point I begin to recall that I just sped down the main street in my town NAKED in the back of an ambulance with half dyed hair, 30 weeks pregnant screaming like a crazy woman. Seriously? Mortifying. I stripped myself down naked in front of total strangers and acted a fool without alcohol? :)

I immediately begin to apologize to anyone and everyone. I fret about wanting to hunt down the paramedics and thank them (which I will be doing this weekend, somehow or someway) for dealing with my afternoon insanity. Evaluations are made and I am monitored and told I can go home. On strict full bed rest until I see my regular OB on Monday morning. Awesomeness. But, Critter2 is safe and sound. I'm okay for now. No definitive answers were made. Many tests and many results but all to be looked at by mt regular OB before decisions are to be made. So as long as we are safe I can handle sitting on my butt all weekend. I might even couch surf naked, for old time sake. :)

Oh and did I mention that during all of this my blood pressure is 122/79! HA! How about that? So how was your day?