Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Men and pregnancy

I think that men sometimes get overlooked when their spouse has a miscarriage. It seems that all the attention is placed upon the woman, because she is "loosing" the baby. But in all reality the man is loosing his baby too. And true to the emotional sides of men and women, a man usually doesn't display the same outward reactions as a woman during this time.

When H4L and I found out we were pregnant this time, we were both a little caught off guard and complacent about the situation. As much as we wanted to jump for joy, the recent feelings of loss, and the anguish that accompanied this "part of life" forced us to succumb to a less than thrilled reaction. I quickly eased up to the situation as I found myself becoming closer and closer to that good ol' pregnant gals friend, Mr. Toilet. The waves of nausea and gagging at odd smells that waft past my nose, so rudely I might add, reminded me every minute of every day, that not only was I pregnant but that the hormones were kicked into high gear. Annoying but reassuring nonetheless.

H4L, however, does not get to really experience this lovely little perk of pregnancy. Sure he could hear me talk about, or rather whine like crazy about it, but not until he actually saw me living for hours in the bathroom, did it really begin to sink in. I began to notice a change after several days of barfing, when H4L stopped saying "since that stick says you are pregnant" and instead begin saying, " the baby" and "our second child". I could tell that me being pregnant and the fear of loosing the pregnancy again was slowly fading away and he was becoming more and more comfortable. And this also made me more comfortable.

Sure some women may have freaked out and ripped their husbands a new one for these comments. But not me. I actually found it somewhat soothing to know that My husband, of the male species, has emotions and needs a way to deal with them. I am happy that I was able to provide him with a calm environment to process our loss and accept and cherish our new pregnancy. And I am glad that me barfing was a sing of comfort for him!


  1. I know exactly what you mean, my hubs and I (two years next march) lost what should have been our third child and whilst all the focus came to me - which I have to point out was the last thing I wanted, people seemed to forget it wasnt just me who was suffering, my hubs was too. I think its about time more people realised that it effects both people involved.
    Many congrats on your second pregnancy though, I didnt suffer any kind of sickness with either of my boys though...I must've been very lucky haha

  2. Haha lol. Yeah u was relieved that you were finally barfing so much, confirming what I didn't believe from the stick.

  3. I haven't had a chance to tell you congrats yet, but congrats!! I know the feeling of loss and the wondering what the partner is going through. I don't know how Daniel felt when I had my miscarriage he never really said anything....but again, Congrats and I hope that the toilet hugging ends very soon!!

  4. As reassuring as throwing up my be...I hope you feel better soon :)
    *little squeal* I'm so excited for you :~D


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