Yesterday, this Pink Haired Momma attended a baby shower of a wonderful family friend. This shower however was not your ordinary baby shower. For example this is a snapshot of the front cover of the Thank You Card from the Mom-to-be...
Why do you ask were all the guests and Mom-to-be getting hammered at a BABY SHOWER?
Well again this was not your ordinary shower. The mom-to-be is not in fact pregnant. Her bouncy baby boy is resting and growing comfortably inside his rent a womb surrogate mom. So now you see why all the guests had to be hammered! Rent a womb momma was at the shower too with her mother. Talk about some weirdness is this party room!!!
It is so awesome that our family friend is receiving this gift of life from her chosen rent a womb. However it was very bizarre and strange to bear witness to. The rent a womb momma was there at the shower with the babe in womb of course. She was quite nice but this addition to the shower had many many strange emotions bouncing about in all those who surrounded her. For instance, I really wanted to congratulate our family friend, but do I also congratulate this rent a womb momma as well? I mean she is a swollen and miserable; we all know what we it feels like to be 35 weeks pregnant and it ain't fun. But truly she really is just the rent a womb. She was no genetic contribution to this baby at all. She has no emotional connection to anyone other than the new parents to be either. This really was just baffling to me and confusing and made me somewhat uncomfortable. Again I express I am so grateful and excited that my family friend is able to have a child, however I still am unsure on my thoughts and emotions of this possibility.
Surrogacy is an awesome medical technique that we have in this world that can provide a reproductively challenged pair of parents with the ability to pass on their unique genetic make-up to a new life and raise a baby that is in fact "their" own genetic make-up. This is wonderful in some respects and just plain weird in others.
For instance, the emotional side renders weirdness. As a recent momma I do not understand how a woman can carry a baby for 9 months and feel it grow and develop inside her only to let it go as soon as it takes it first breath of life. Now I understand adoptions and choosing to give a baby to a family that can raise it properly when a mom may not be in a place to do so herself. As hard as that is, I can understand this decision. I can not seem to grasp though an understanding on why a woman would be willing get pregnant for a STRANGER for money and go through pregnancy by choice knowing she will have no relation to this baby later in life, genetically or emotionally. BIZARRE!!! However I can somewhat understand to do this for a family member or very close friend but a stranger blows me away. But honestly I still am trying to process this whole concept.
Then there is the other emotional weirdness that we experienced yesterday at the shower. I mean even down to the opening of gifts. The genetic mom-to-be and the rent a womb opened gifts together. Should they? They also reported to the group od shower attendees that they shopped for and decorated the nursery together. Again, Should they? I mean rent a womb will not be a part of this baby's life at all so...well it is just weird.
Then I started thinking about some other emotional issues. While I was pregnant we began a slow transition into parenthood well before Baby DIVA arrived. How? Well towards the end we had already begun the no sleepy dance. I was so uncomfortable and in turn I purposely made hubbs-to-be uncomfortable so he could "share" in my experience of being 60 pounds heavier, unable to lay comfortably, having of constant heartburn and peeing myself regularly because the babe squashed the bladder ALL the time. In a surrogacy the new mom and dad do not experience this at all. They see the rent a womb belly growing to full gigantic proportion but they do not interact with it daily. So as of now they are enjoying perfectly normal resting patterns and once the babe comes they will be jolted into reality. This emotional issue is relevant to many different aspects of the transition from pregnancy to parenthood.
While I am incredibly excited for the birth of this baby as well as grateful that my friend was able to find a willing rent a womb, the whole scenario has brought of lots of questions and deep thoughts for me. I am still pondering this miraculous medical marvel as I type this post. I wanted to just voice my crazy Pink Haired thoughts (even thought I have yet to decide my personal opinion or stand on this technique) on this interesting way of bringing life into this world.